Boy, a lot has happened since the last time I was here. We had our sixth baby, David Joseph Gold, the beginning of July. We were super thrilled, but with in a few hours found out David had some heart issues. We were referred to a Pediatric Cardiologist which we saw when he was seven days old. What we found out was, he had two holes in his heart, one small and the other very large. Both were in places that wouldn't be able to heal on their own and it was likely he would have surgery to repair them. I walked out of the doctor bewildered. From them on, it was one thing after another. Weight checks every two weeks, constantly watching for signs of distress, struggling with his lack of weight gain and many other things. When he was 5 weeks old, he got hit with a terrible bout of pneumonia. He as in the hospital for 8 days!! He was very sick with a high fever. We also found he had an infection in his blood stream, plus a viral infection. With all this going on, his heart was working way to hard and beating way to fast. Once he was stable, they discovered his heart had enlarged due to it working so hard, and was put on heart medicine.
At the end of August, at one of his cardiologist appointments we found that, due to the heart working so hard, his aortic valve started to leak. This was VERY BAD. Surgery was inevitable. On November 4th, David went in for open heart surgery. He was 4 months. It was the hardest, most awful thing I have ever had to do as a parent. After the surgery was done, the doctor came out and told me that they found two more holes and another valve problem. It was a grand total of four holes and two valve problems!! One they patched, two they stitched, one they believed would heal on it's own, one valve had weakened and stretched from the heart working so hard that they tightened it. The aortic valve was actually not torn, but stretched and with the repair of the large hole, should go back to functioning as normal in time. All good news!!
After a few days, David was able to come home. We are still in the recovery phase...doctors say it'll take 6-8 weeks. But he is doing very well. It has been quite a journey for us. A real trial. If this was they only situation we had to deal with, it would have been enough, but we have had some MAJOR stresses going one at the same time. I won't go into all of them, but one thing we had to do was put the boys in school. Due to all the stress and trial, we had to make the hard decision to enroll them for the remained of the year. They are attending a small private school , and I'm very thankful for that option. It's a bit weird for me. One very good thing is that I will have time to spend with my four younger children. They have been very neglected by me with all the other stuff going on. I am really looking forward to spending this time with them.
When we first got the news of how bad his heart was, I started asking the Lord why. " Why did you do this Lord? I don't understand.". I remembered Psalm 139. I like to call that the baby Psalm. I went to it and read ..
" For YOU FORMED my inward parts, you KNITTED ME TOGETHER in my mothers womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. " vs. 13-14
" My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, INTRICATELY WOVEN in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance. In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them" vs. 15-16
The whole Psalm is great, but these verses stood out. It reminded me that, for whatever reason, God made David's heart exactly how He wanted it. Holes and all. He was forming David in my womb and made his heart. His hands were creating him, delicately, precisely, and exactly the way he was suppose to be. I don't understand why, but I know that it wasn't by mistake. There's a reason. This gave me some peace. To know that David's heart didn't happen outside of God's control was a comfort. To know that God wasn't looking the other way or standing on the side lines just watching things happen with no way to stop it. He did this.When I wasn't feeling this to be true, I had to remind myself that God can't lie and therefore if He can't lie, then what He said has to be true. Whether I feel it or not. If God wrote that He made David, then I needed to believe that. Holes and all. Most days this was very hard, I had to pound into my brain over and over. Even though it went against everything I was feeling, seeing and thinking, I'm glad I "preached" these Truths to myself.
I look forward to getting back to "normal". I am thankful to be through this tunnel ( so far) and that we get to go into the Christmas season with a healthy, happy little man.
Be blessed this day my friends.
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